


one good honest kiss

by lesbianferrissbueller



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ficlet, First Kiss, House Party, Loneliness, M/M, One Shot, Tenderness, Yearning, you have hannah and Mitski to thank for this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22999048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianferrissbueller/pseuds/lesbianferrissbueller
Summary: “I’m so lonely.” Steve said all at once. There was no drama to it, it was like the punchline of a bad joke. He wasn't looking at Billy, he was looking down, at the grass between his legs. “All the time. Even when I’m around people. I- I just, I want something that’s longer than a night. Like someone who wants to stick around for breakfast even. Or just talk to me again after. I just want someone to act like I mean something to them.”“A lot of people want that.”Steve rolled his eyes.“I know I do.” Billy said more quietly.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 19
Kudos: 180





	one good honest kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hannahhsolo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahhsolo/gifts).



> This is for Hannah! i havent known her for very long but shes what i think you call a kindred spirit! its nice to be fast friends quick, and i love giving gifts so im always happy to have a friend to receive them.  
> title is from Nobody by Mitski and a lot of the lyrics are scattered about this puppy so i highly recommend listening to the song!   
> https://youtu.be/AMptW7Ij7CI
> 
> also if youre lonely i promise you wont be forever. Mostly because you cant feel any one thing forever! that's how life is :p

Steve has hated being alone since he was little. But it’s easy to forget you hate something when you’re not thinking about it, probably why he tried to drown himself in people. So maybe he shouldn't be in a relationship again until he’s ok with being alone. That’s what people say, right? That you need to be ok on you're on before you can be ok with someone else. Steve’s fine on his own, mostly. He’s been on his own since he was a kid, as far as companionship was concerned. He might've been waited on hand and foot but no one ever asked about his head. So he can be alone- but he just doesn't want to be. 

Which is, he thinks, why he’s been shoving all his excess loneliness onto Billy. 

Billy’s only recently become his friend, Billy’s much cooler than he is, much more popular, so it makes sense that he just wants something from Billy- anything, everything. 

And more than anything he doesn't want to be lonely. 

So when the both of them are at a party and someone brings up the wrong thing about Steve’s love life he just bails. He just walks off into the mystery dark of the backyard, past most other party goes, because he only came to this stupid thing to feel less alone and Jesus if he isn't fucking alone in a sea of people. 

He wants un-loneliness. He wants it from Billy. He doesn't know what  _ way _ . 

So it’s real fucking hard to have Billy sitting next to him in the far corner of this parties backyard, knowing Billy followed him here because they’re supposed to be friends now or whatever. Because Billy’s taken up the mantle of disliking Nancy for breaking Steve's heart because that's what friends do. Because Billy followed him, asked him if he was ok when he stood up and walked off because that’s what friends do. Steve is so sick of having Billy as just a friend. 

But that's not what he says. When Billy says, “You’re obviously not fine, dude,” Steve says:

“I’m so fucking  _ sick _ of one night stands, man.”

Because he's thinking about all the people he’s slept with trying to be less alone for any short amount of time. Trying to alleviate the crushing sense that he is alone and always will  _ be _ alone. 

Trying to feel like someone cares. 

I mean, Robin cared, but not how he needed. 

Billy probably cared a little. But the same way. The same ‘you’re my friend' way. 

Steve needed more than that. 

It was then that Billy opted to sit next to Steve on the patch of cold grass, away from the light of the party. “That it?”

Steve scoffed, partially to clear his throat, make sure no tears happened. “What do you mean is that fucking it?”

“Just like, there's nothing else?-”

“I’m so  _ lonely _ .” Steve said all at once. There was no drama to it, it was like the punchline of a bad joke. He wasn't looking at Billy, he was looking down, at the grass between his legs. “All the time. Even when I’m around people. I- I just, I want something that’s longer than a night. Like someone who wants to stick around for breakfast even. Or just talk to me again after. I just want someone to act like I  _ mean _ something to them.”

“A lot of people want that.”

Steve rolled his eyes. 

“I know I do.” Billy said more quietly. 

Something about this interaction had changed. 

Steve felt panic in his throat just a little. Honesty biting at his heels. 

Had Billy guessed why Steve was dying to tell  _ specifically _ Billy how lonely he was, how scared he was of the same thing?

Wanting to  _ have _ to tell and never wanting to even get close. 

It was cold enough that the grass felt wet, but Steve's skin felt warm from being only kind of drunk. Billy’s felt warmer. And since when was Billy even sitting close enough to Steve that their legs touched that Steve could feel the warmth of Billy’s skin burning through the cotton of his jeans and filtering into his own skin like a contact high. 

“You can’t be lonely, everyone  _ worships _ you-”

“Yeah, doesn't mean they care about me like that, though.”

Steve felt the ache in his chest like some sort of inverted dehydration, like slowing dying, the need for  _ someone _ and  _ something _ keeping him alive. 

It was usually so much easier to tell himself that someday he’d be older, and someday he’d find love, someone who loved him the way he loved them, someone who wasn't in love with someone else or strictly just a friend. 

But it was impossible right now. With the what-if of Billy right next to him. 

_ I care about you like that,  _ Steve thought about saying, and immediately choked the thought out for fear it would come tumbling off his drunk-ass tongue. 

“Kind of an unrealistic goal, though” Billy eventually said.

Steve laughed bitterly. “I feel like even a good kiss would do it. Like, get rid of the loneliness.”

“What do you mean a ‘good kiss’?” Billy laughed. “If you've fucked so many people one of them  _ at least _ must have been a good kisser.”

“Not like,  _ technically _ talented.” Steve almost laughed again, less bitter. “But like, one that gives you goosebumps.”

_ Butterflies.  _

“You really need to read less romance novels, Harrington.”

“How fucking dare you,” Steve started, really smiling now. 

“What, assume you can read?”

“I’ll fucking-” Steve pushed Billy

“What? You’ll what?” Billy pushed right back and Steve almost fell on his back in the grass, but grabbed Billy's arm. This was the kind of rough housing they'd gotten used to since being friends, but still, this time was  _ different _ . Steve felt the sickening electricity and wondered when and how this would end when Billy’s face is inches away from his. 

This is all he wants, just slightly more. Just a little more and that would be good enough. He’s really not asking for that much. 

Just a  _ good _ ,  _ honest _ kiss. 

“I don’t want to be lonely, either.” Billy tells him. 

Steve thinks this second must last forever. This second in which he realizes Billy could kiss him, might kiss him, might want to kiss him. 

And how perfect that would be, how it would answer all his weeks of prayers, how it would soak up all his loneliness, or make it evaporate, turn it into pink and purple clouds in the sunrise of the next day.

If they ever had a next day together. If this meant anything beyond being drunk and stupid. 

Billy hadn’t moved closer, he’d just titled his head, and he brought his hand closer to Steve in the grass so his wrist pressed against Steve’s thigh, and Steve could reach out and grab Billy’s face if he wanted. 

Does he want to?

Regardless of what this meant. Nothing, or something. He needed something this time. 

“Promise you’ll still talk to me tomorrow.” Steve whispered. 

“I promise, pretty boy.”

Billy lets Steve kiss him. Lets him empty out some of his loneliness. And not because he pities Steve, and not because it's a beautiful illusion in yet another one night stand, but because Billy feels just the same. The same loneliness, the same need for  _ somebody _ and  _ something _ other than  _ nobody _ and  _ nothing _ . And he cares about Steve, but not because they're friends. And he wants him to be ok, but not because they’re friends- He’s sick of having Steve as just a friend. 

Billy just hasn't worked up the courage yet to tell Steve that he’d stick around for breakfast if ever he was invited. 


End file.
